I am writing this at the end of my 2nd trimester with my 7th child. I’m no stranger to all the feels associated with introducing a baby into the family. There is a certain weight that falls on the mother’s heart brought on by the fear of how everyone will adjust to the new family dynamic. We always do what’s best for our children – to make sure that they know, without a shadow of a doubt, that they are loved unconditionally – so why would we jump to the assumption that having a baby would make our older child(ren) question our love for them? Is it because deep down we moms are questioning our ability to give the resources to each child necessary to make them feel that same amount of love that they are accustomed to feeling? We know definitively that no matter how many children we have, our love for each will never or diminish or be split, but those ever-depleting resources like time, attention, money, patience… will there be enough to go around? And if not, how can I make sure that my child doesn’t feel the strain. Have I given my first child or older children enough of me and my attention before the new baby comes? And there starts the spiral of mom guilt and anxiety that plagues so many women.
“If you are depressed you are living in the past.
Lao Tzu
If you are anxious you are living in the future.
If you are at peace you are living in the present.”
I can tell you from experience, this anxiety and worry is nothing more than wasted precious time and energy. There is no true validity to these fears nor guilt. What we fear is change… which is completely normal as we humans tend to gravitate towards stability and comfort. Yes, the course of your life, and the life of the family as whole, will change due to the addition of a new baby, but everyone will adjust beautifully. There will be an adjustment period to allow each person to find their new comfortable place within the new family dynamic, but it will happen.
It’s all about finding peace in the truth that the new baby will enhance everyone’s life in so many ways that you simply cannot foresee. Your love will expand to encompass everyone, as will your patience… and your time, ability to distribute your attention, and the necessary finances will also adjust organically. And these adjustments will all be justified and happily made because of the love and joy that this new addition will bring. You will never question it.
So please… from a mother who wasted too much time on worry, guilt, and anxiety over this issue, you have nothing to worry about. Enjoy your pregnancy… be present with each and every moment… and find peace in knowing that life evolves and we evolve right along with it. We can either go against the flow and struggle, or ride the waves in gratitude, for it will play out perfectly.
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